I don't like this feeling, its so lonely, no one to talk to. Can't find someone just feel so empty except crying, trying to be strong but I can't as yesterday i locked myself in the room and cried for 30mins.But this time cry for a lot of things, I sin against God, dunno how to forgive myself! Am I in deep trouble? Wat should I do? I did pray, but don't know how to face God, ask for forgiveness but still got the guilt in me so wat am I suppose to do?
Good tt I got dance pract or else I'm gonna be mad at home, I will be thinkin of the past, the things that I've done that have hurt someone and our havenly Fateher... I'm scared, extremely scared!!! Want tell others but who???? And if there is someone who I can talk with now I would be happy and purposely forget to say the thing cos I'm scared and I don't know how to start.
But still need to thank God for answerin my prayers and I promise I will not to do it again!
He is leavin the school, how am I goin to survive not seein him? But nvm we are totally diff and somemore we did not relly know each other so ya GOOD LUCK in everything u do! Hope to see u next time bah and u will be a christian by then! Bye! KFC~940 :'(
Why is everyone changing? Why are they gettin from good to bad? And some were my besties last time and now were like enimies! How could this happen to them as well to me, my heart is broken into many many many pieces!!!!
October 31, 2007
October 28, 2007
How great is our God!
While listening to christian song, do you felt tt you had been calm down and forget about everythin as you had put on God's hand so do not need to worry about anythin as the bible had written"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with thanks giving present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your mind inChrist Jesus."Phillipians4:6-7
Jesus I will live for You
In everything I do
I'm holding on to You
Always! Always and forever
Praise the Lord! Serve the Lord, isn't it great? With all hearts and your soul...
Must be glad tt God chose us as His little children, He sent Jesus to earth to save us from our sins so must be glad about it and also to share the message to others so we can worship Him together as 1 big family!
Bring Glory to God's name! Amen? Amen!=)
Hmmm tts wat I think not only english christian songs is nice, y don't try listenin to chinese its cool also. Although my chinese is like dunno wat but i still like the songs, its so meaningful and cool!
Say until chinese, my chinese is like dunno wat but thanks to my church as I went to chinese service so its like improvin erm maybe. The most I'm scared of is readin bible cos it is very diff because i dunno how to read. But thanks to my church frens as they help me along while I'm readin like if I dunno how to read the word they will teach me how to read. hehe thank you so much!
I love God, that is what I want to say!!!
I love dancing and feel like participate in the dance in my church to serve God and also show our talents...
Jesus I will live for You
In everything I do
I'm holding on to You
Always! Always and forever
Praise the Lord! Serve the Lord, isn't it great? With all hearts and your soul...
Must be glad tt God chose us as His little children, He sent Jesus to earth to save us from our sins so must be glad about it and also to share the message to others so we can worship Him together as 1 big family!
Bring Glory to God's name! Amen? Amen!=)
Hmmm tts wat I think not only english christian songs is nice, y don't try listenin to chinese its cool also. Although my chinese is like dunno wat but i still like the songs, its so meaningful and cool!
Say until chinese, my chinese is like dunno wat but thanks to my church as I went to chinese service so its like improvin erm maybe. The most I'm scared of is readin bible cos it is very diff because i dunno how to read. But thanks to my church frens as they help me along while I'm readin like if I dunno how to read the word they will teach me how to read. hehe thank you so much!
I love God, that is what I want to say!!!
I love dancing and feel like participate in the dance in my church to serve God and also show our talents...
October 27, 2007
Last day of school
Skipped school together with my friends so bad. But got things to do tt is to prepare for bbq in school only those who are specially invited by us and accepted by Miss Lee hehe. Woke up at around 9am but sms denise at 8.45am ask her what time are suppose to meet but i'm to tired to wake up so continue to sleep for 15mins. So excited for the bbq wonder how is it goin to be like, start packin my staffs and do some house chores. Then go to Kasthuri house, watchin her doin her house chores then i play with her dog, Amukutty, so big and fat but she is cute... Denise came play with Amukutty then hours later Ameera, Anisah and Sufiandi came as school ended early ytd. Then awhile later Ramzan came and we sat down talkin craps while Kasthuri doin her staff. Then they say they want to go to Suria's house to disturb him, so we went there to wait for him. He took so long and Sufiandi went to his sis house, we waited so long and at last they are done. Only Denise, Anisah and I went to buy our lunch and brought it to Kasthuri's house and eat. And while the rest is waitin, Sufiandi was asleep on the sofa, he is so cute. Then and Denise went to the kitshen and see kas mom cookin, so sad la she cook prawn then i cannot eat. Dunno y kept seeing prawn everywhere i go sigh. Then I went to the livin room and sat beside Sufiandi, lookin at him haha then later he woke up and look at me. I told him to wake up as this is not his house haha, he started to disturb me and i disturb him back. Then we prepare ourselves to go to school to start the bbq... We seperate ourselves into 2 grps as there were 8 of us, Suria, Ameera, Ramzan and Anisah took 1 Taxi as they were goin to Anisah to take some food tt her father made for us, Thanks a lot yum yum! Then Kasthuri, Denise, Sufiandi and Me took another Taxi to school, reach school saw Guan Seng good tt he nv ask me y i nv go school, he just tell me to go NPCC room to collect jacket hehe so cool the jacket! Luv it!
Then they start to bbq food hehe yum yum! Everyone had reached and ate some food so we decided to play water games hehe fillin up the water bombs, then brought it to netball court and the guys started throwin not even playin games so we all get wet but they say not really fun so we go to a better place to play "concentration" thgose who loose will be poured with 1.5 l of water so everyone got a few bottles accept me hehe so they try to sabo me but too bad... Then twe went back to refill the water bottles and they started to pour at each other, everyone was totally wet! Bute it is fun then we start to pour at those who are dry and we hug them and no one is dry, even miss lee as me and Denise plan to ask her out as she hide in the staffroom so we ask miss lee to take somethin from us and we pull the door and grab her out and everyone pour at her. Then while were playin, miss lee and Jamie's mom were bbq the rest of the food, some of them came back andeat second round while me and some of them go change. After changin we took a few picts haha so cool man! Thanks Lord, for givin me such a good year with my frenz and so many good memories tt i will nv forget!
Then they start to bbq food hehe yum yum! Everyone had reached and ate some food so we decided to play water games hehe fillin up the water bombs, then brought it to netball court and the guys started throwin not even playin games so we all get wet but they say not really fun so we go to a better place to play "concentration" thgose who loose will be poured with 1.5 l of water so everyone got a few bottles accept me hehe so they try to sabo me but too bad... Then twe went back to refill the water bottles and they started to pour at each other, everyone was totally wet! Bute it is fun then we start to pour at those who are dry and we hug them and no one is dry, even miss lee as me and Denise plan to ask her out as she hide in the staffroom so we ask miss lee to take somethin from us and we pull the door and grab her out and everyone pour at her. Then while were playin, miss lee and Jamie's mom were bbq the rest of the food, some of them came back andeat second round while me and some of them go change. After changin we took a few picts haha so cool man! Thanks Lord, for givin me such a good year with my frenz and so many good memories tt i will nv forget!
Picts tt were taken tt day!!!
Sporting ppl tt we invtie!!! Sporting babi's must keep up the good work man!!!
Circuit Breakers with Miss Lee!Nice post!
Us with Jamie's mom! Sporting grp!
Sufiandi and me... Bro n sis!
Favourite Picture!
Me and Ameera, cheezy! Love her lots! Cat and Mouse!
October 20, 2007
Back from OBS
Yeah at last I'm home miss my family so much, learn how to appreciate them more than before. The five days camp really learn a lot about myself hmmm try to reach a higher aim, maybe... Made more frinds as I had 16 members in my group Nila Utama haha cool man know them all... Miss them on the last day wish we can meet again:)
First day doing the tust fall, balayer thngy remembered all the commands in mind. Cool but exhausting... Cook in the dark and pitch the tent in the dark, thought got doms but dun have haix must sleep late wake up early and unpitch tents for the five days. So tiring but fun with my buddies haha. First time talk to them quite scared but fun makin friends after all, hmmm 4 of my grp members are from my school and 1 of them are from my class and tts Zaki the funny and caring one. I was asked to become food IC hmmm nice 1 man at least contribute something hehe:)
Looks like my whole group still can't remember my name so they call me Garfield thru e whole camp so ya thanks to Zaki who called me tt first since he was my classmate haha. Everyone of them were so cute and we became buddies for the next few days. Fast rite haha cool nehx! Saw my church fren over there what a coincidence Thanks Lord for meeting Qin Yi over there haha start talkin to her now a days haha. Second day we went for kayakin it's e first time in my whole life so excited but its tough keep banging on to other kayaks but e the most I like is capsized then doin the dunno wat saving to help another pairs to get back on to their kayaks, fun man. After bathin we went for rock climbin first time climb so high thanks to their encouragements and supports. Never meet such a team before as they cheer for you and will guide you up there too. God will do the same thing to when you see an obstacle, God will be there for you, guidin you and telling you wat to do to reach your destiny. Jamie cried wishin to go home, I was tryin to calm her down and change her mind set but she is gettin too stressed up and scared, I just dunno wat to do, such a useless friend I am haiz.
Third and Forth day was land and sea expedition. Learnt how to endure, persevere and encourge is very important. For land we walked a very long distance need hours to reach our destiny so tiring but we did it we went up the mountain it is quite fun up there nice scenery spent some time there lookin at the scenery, left one the last point because it is quite late we went to a place to pitch our tents wishin tt the last days is reachin.
For sea expidition Kayak for 5hrs with Zaki havin a hard time with him but felt guilty and sorry what should I do, I'm scared tt we might haix, what should I do? I became darker but not as dark as I want to be haix skin tearin off so painful. Ouch!
Last day came yeah can go home missing my group members good tt I got their contact numbers and email add and many more at least can contact each other :) Next week goin have a tough time in school many things happenin and my dancing group is startin yeah can dance again.Now havin a headache and feel like vomitting so sick man, feelin like floatin oh no what should I do?
First day doing the tust fall, balayer thngy remembered all the commands in mind. Cool but exhausting... Cook in the dark and pitch the tent in the dark, thought got doms but dun have haix must sleep late wake up early and unpitch tents for the five days. So tiring but fun with my buddies haha. First time talk to them quite scared but fun makin friends after all, hmmm 4 of my grp members are from my school and 1 of them are from my class and tts Zaki the funny and caring one. I was asked to become food IC hmmm nice 1 man at least contribute something hehe:)
Looks like my whole group still can't remember my name so they call me Garfield thru e whole camp so ya thanks to Zaki who called me tt first since he was my classmate haha. Everyone of them were so cute and we became buddies for the next few days. Fast rite haha cool nehx! Saw my church fren over there what a coincidence Thanks Lord for meeting Qin Yi over there haha start talkin to her now a days haha. Second day we went for kayakin it's e first time in my whole life so excited but its tough keep banging on to other kayaks but e the most I like is capsized then doin the dunno wat saving to help another pairs to get back on to their kayaks, fun man. After bathin we went for rock climbin first time climb so high thanks to their encouragements and supports. Never meet such a team before as they cheer for you and will guide you up there too. God will do the same thing to when you see an obstacle, God will be there for you, guidin you and telling you wat to do to reach your destiny. Jamie cried wishin to go home, I was tryin to calm her down and change her mind set but she is gettin too stressed up and scared, I just dunno wat to do, such a useless friend I am haiz.
Third and Forth day was land and sea expedition. Learnt how to endure, persevere and encourge is very important. For land we walked a very long distance need hours to reach our destiny so tiring but we did it we went up the mountain it is quite fun up there nice scenery spent some time there lookin at the scenery, left one the last point because it is quite late we went to a place to pitch our tents wishin tt the last days is reachin.
For sea expidition Kayak for 5hrs with Zaki havin a hard time with him but felt guilty and sorry what should I do, I'm scared tt we might haix, what should I do? I became darker but not as dark as I want to be haix skin tearin off so painful. Ouch!
Last day came yeah can go home missing my group members good tt I got their contact numbers and email add and many more at least can contact each other :) Next week goin have a tough time in school many things happenin and my dancing group is startin yeah can dance again.Now havin a headache and feel like vomitting so sick man, feelin like floatin oh no what should I do?
My group Nila Utama! Miss Them!
October 13, 2007
Wat am I thinking?
Days pass so fast Monday going OBS le 1 week camp lo so long wish will have great fun there bah, will surely miss them especially Kasthuri, haiz wat to do cry meh, no la haha. Heard tt my dad is getting beter thanks Lord for answering my prayers. He starts to listen and disturb less, great got some improvement continue the good work man. Hmmm must ask him to smoke less or even stop smokin I hate it especially the smell. Wish he can listen and change in to a better person and my mom can accept him... Heavenly Father you Got help him... Want him to memorise this verse as it might help him...
Proverbs19:20 "Listen to advice and accept instruction, an you will be wise."
Proverbs19:20 "Listen to advice and accept instruction, an you will be wise."
October 12, 2007
最珍贵的角落 Precious Corner
谢谢你灿烂的笑容 照亮我的天空
谢谢你分享心情 把我放在你心中
夜里有时为寒冷 你我生根同暖土
友情是最亮的星 我的生命从此美丽
当你被花朵包围尽情欢欣 我带着春风使你舞其中
当你正走在坎坷路 我会伴你在左右
一起向蓝天欢呼 向白云招手 我们要一起笑一起哭
千万人中有个人懂我 你有最珍贵的角落
Love this song so much, heard this song in church haha during Di Xiong Hui...
Sang by the Di Xiong... Nice man this song...
In Tuan Qi we sang it too... How nice :)
At last I found this song... Hope you will like it too...
Even though in church I did not talk much but I still like my church family,
they are so friendly and cute. Like to talk to them but dunno what to talk.
Sorry na I'm not good at talkin sometimes cos shy mah haha... :)
谢谢你分享心情 把我放在你心中
夜里有时为寒冷 你我生根同暖土
友情是最亮的星 我的生命从此美丽
当你被花朵包围尽情欢欣 我带着春风使你舞其中
当你正走在坎坷路 我会伴你在左右
一起向蓝天欢呼 向白云招手 我们要一起笑一起哭
千万人中有个人懂我 你有最珍贵的角落
Love this song so much, heard this song in church haha during Di Xiong Hui...
Sang by the Di Xiong... Nice man this song...
In Tuan Qi we sang it too... How nice :)
At last I found this song... Hope you will like it too...
Even though in church I did not talk much but I still like my church family,
they are so friendly and cute. Like to talk to them but dunno what to talk.
Sorry na I'm not good at talkin sometimes cos shy mah haha... :)
October 11, 2007
Marking Days
During exam marking days my school no need to go to school, good lo thought can use this time to pack my things or do my favourite things. But I use my times on exercising, morning go gym, evening go cycling.
Went gym for 2 mornings with Kairen, Guan Seng and Lily. Like having PT training sia, run alot and do alot of the dunno wat la... Guan Seng keep using PT training to scare me think wat scared of him arh. Now having muscle aches all over. Having fun with them haha. Now there is something something happening within Lily and Guan Seng hahaha... After gym go cycling with my bro he cycle so fast thought I can't chase him haha still win ne... Saw 2 of my squat mates, Dorothy and Kelly cycling so cycle with them, havin a lot of fun with them man. Dorothy like small kid play swing with my bro haix, then cycle around...
So tired, want to have a good rest also cannot. Miss so many ppl, miss my Kor and my darling Kasthuri, she called me today, so miss them. Dun get a chance to see them this two days.
Having such a big stone in my heart, wonder who can take it out? Who can I trust??? I thought can forget him but he send me comment and he delete it so sad, forget him totally but he came back, thought got hope but now everything crashed.Why he like tt de? Got to change my plan le, now the next aim is him haha... Fast rite, no la I forget him long time ago le tts why can change plan mah. Wish God can help, had been lonely all the time can't find the rite one for me.
Maybe is me the problem but now trying to change no more boyish le, but confirm no one wan de la sian...
Went gym for 2 mornings with Kairen, Guan Seng and Lily. Like having PT training sia, run alot and do alot of the dunno wat la... Guan Seng keep using PT training to scare me think wat scared of him arh. Now having muscle aches all over. Having fun with them haha. Now there is something something happening within Lily and Guan Seng hahaha... After gym go cycling with my bro he cycle so fast thought I can't chase him haha still win ne... Saw 2 of my squat mates, Dorothy and Kelly cycling so cycle with them, havin a lot of fun with them man. Dorothy like small kid play swing with my bro haix, then cycle around...
So tired, want to have a good rest also cannot. Miss so many ppl, miss my Kor and my darling Kasthuri, she called me today, so miss them. Dun get a chance to see them this two days.
Having such a big stone in my heart, wonder who can take it out? Who can I trust??? I thought can forget him but he send me comment and he delete it so sad, forget him totally but he came back, thought got hope but now everything crashed.Why he like tt de? Got to change my plan le, now the next aim is him haha... Fast rite, no la I forget him long time ago le tts why can change plan mah. Wish God can help, had been lonely all the time can't find the rite one for me.
Maybe is me the problem but now trying to change no more boyish le, but confirm no one wan de la sian...
October 10, 2007
The ABC's of Friendship
A Friend....
Accepts you as you are
Believes in "you"
Calls you just to say "HI"
Doesn't give up on you
Encourage you when you are down
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Help to build your faith in God
Invites you to his/her church
Just do anything without the need of explanation
Keeps your heart close to God
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never Judges
Offers support
Prays for you
Quiets your fears
Reminds you on how God loves you
Supports when you are on the right path
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
Understands you
Values the friendship
Wakes you up when you are going to be late
X(cross out) things that you dislike
Yells when you won't listen and
Zaps you back to reality
Accepts you as you are
Believes in "you"
Calls you just to say "HI"
Doesn't give up on you
Encourage you when you are down
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Help to build your faith in God
Invites you to his/her church
Just do anything without the need of explanation
Keeps your heart close to God
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never Judges
Offers support
Prays for you
Quiets your fears
Reminds you on how God loves you
Supports when you are on the right path
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
Understands you
Values the friendship
Wakes you up when you are going to be late
X(cross out) things that you dislike
Yells when you won't listen and
Zaps you back to reality
October 9, 2007
Exams over le!!!!
Hooray at last exams over already, don't know stress for how many days le. Can relax le but know preparing for my OBS camp haha I guess is God ask me to go so I no need to go NPCC camp bah. No need to be afraid about the sirs anymore le bleahx... Last few weeks while preparing for exams, a lot of things happen I cried a lot of times le even though I told myself need to be strong but still cry. Haiz useless, just feel so moody tt few weeks as my group members did not really talk much like last time cos of some problems, and also the time cos after exam straight away go home so never chat much. Things happen so suddenly, feel like there is a need to sit down quietly and think what I had been doing last few weeks. Everynight I will have my quiet time with God, I always Thank God for the day~, helping others to pray like my family,frens and exams and many more... Just Got to say tt I LOVE GOD!!!
In church, I learn a lot, I learn tt we need to accept ppl whose character or attitude bad or what cos God created them like tt and God will not make mistake de so He does everything with a purpose. After watching the cartoon tt teach abt all this I went home and speak to God den I felt tt if God made me a gal so I got to accept the fact cos I use to be a tom boy and tts wat my frenz told me. I need to change myself. Oh ya say until changing a person we should change our view on a person and not ask others to change cos some they are alr made lik this so we need to accept it.
Last Sunday, I don't know what is happening to me, I show attitude to my teacher den to my fren. I felt so guilty and feel like crying den later me and my fren sit together, I sat quietly not openin my mouth but just close my eyes and ask what an attitude I'm giving. I felt so sorry I wrote a note to my fren and ask her to forgive me, she she read and look at me and ask what happen I said nothin. I ask God for forgiveness, and my heart was sayin tt Do not let your emotion control you. Den while praise and worship we sang the first song and suddenly my tears dropped feel like goin to the washroom but I dun dare haiz cos dun wan others to know lo. I guess my fren notice I had been cleaning my tears away as she looked at me, but I pretend lik nth happen and continue singing. And this fren of mine I dunno how to say her la so rugged, she like to push me and I try to defend and stop her, I told her off. I said tt I do not like those ppl who are so rugged, and tt is y I don't really like to go with her. But I felt sorry about tt and I do not know did I do something rite or wrong. I scared tt I might break her heart. Oh no!!! Help me!!!
I don't think I can trust anyone now they had been hurting me since I created the problem.
In church, I learn a lot, I learn tt we need to accept ppl whose character or attitude bad or what cos God created them like tt and God will not make mistake de so He does everything with a purpose. After watching the cartoon tt teach abt all this I went home and speak to God den I felt tt if God made me a gal so I got to accept the fact cos I use to be a tom boy and tts wat my frenz told me. I need to change myself. Oh ya say until changing a person we should change our view on a person and not ask others to change cos some they are alr made lik this so we need to accept it.
Last Sunday, I don't know what is happening to me, I show attitude to my teacher den to my fren. I felt so guilty and feel like crying den later me and my fren sit together, I sat quietly not openin my mouth but just close my eyes and ask what an attitude I'm giving. I felt so sorry I wrote a note to my fren and ask her to forgive me, she she read and look at me and ask what happen I said nothin. I ask God for forgiveness, and my heart was sayin tt Do not let your emotion control you. Den while praise and worship we sang the first song and suddenly my tears dropped feel like goin to the washroom but I dun dare haiz cos dun wan others to know lo. I guess my fren notice I had been cleaning my tears away as she looked at me, but I pretend lik nth happen and continue singing. And this fren of mine I dunno how to say her la so rugged, she like to push me and I try to defend and stop her, I told her off. I said tt I do not like those ppl who are so rugged, and tt is y I don't really like to go with her. But I felt sorry about tt and I do not know did I do something rite or wrong. I scared tt I might break her heart. Oh no!!! Help me!!!
I don't think I can trust anyone now they had been hurting me since I created the problem.
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