Sad to say tt i'm back with good and bad news, as i always like to start fom the bad news so ya bad news first hehe. I started to hate myself and i dunno is my fren who tell me tt she told me this cos on tt day i wrote a stupid letter to her and she noticed it after readin. I was shocked cos i thot i had been askin God to help me to solve this prob and end up worst. I kept thinkin of negative staffs. Wat should I do? Wait patiencely, and how much of patience must I have.
I notice the guys I liked came into my head again, oh no is this good or bad? I notice they kept lookin at me, felt so uneasy. Wat should i do? Think of them and get hurt again or look forward and put it onto God's hand maybe He got better ones for me?
This few days I can't really breathe in properly, dunno wat is happenin to my lungs. I just feel lik I am restless, my heart is painful when talkin, lack of air and when i stood up suddenly I felt a sudden dizzy. I dunno wat is happenin to me especially thinkin of those ppl I hate tryin to forgive them but it makes my heart aches worst. Feel lik cryin but need to be strong cos I 'm no longer a child. Let me one shot forgive those I hate and forget wat they did. To do wat God want us to do.
Good news is tt God sent me lots of good frenz tt can cheer me up when I'm sad, encourage me and we can share our sad and good times together. Like Kastello and the group tt I love...
September 24, 2007
September 7, 2007
PK n Homefront security course...
Good tt this 2 course had already over or else I will be very busy den. Go there to copy notes but we like copyin every single slides down had already used up 15 pieces of my fullscaps paper, and sittin at the dunno wat hall for one whole day but got breaks in between so won't so fast fall asleep... Lunch hmmm the food there ok lar better den nothin haha...
Quite irritated by the guys sittin behind me and few of my frenz. They are so irritatin tt he made the 4 four us sittin infront so angry, feel like givin them a slap across their face. They are disgustin as they had been tokin about dirty things, laughin and disturbin ppl they dun wan listen but we wan lo. Don't understand they went there to learn or to create troubles if they never come much better. No need to make me and my frens so angry even my fren also scared of us, he funny sia cos he saw our faces den faster tell them to shut up or else the 4 volcanoes goin to explode haha... We did not laugh thought tt the few of them will keep quie but not they continue tokin n tokin, then my fren who is sittin beside me turn and shouted at them, I was shocked too cos never see her so angry before. Got one guy who started all those topics talked back to my fren then he started throwin vulgarities at her and my fren turned back to the front and tryin to cool down. My few frenz and I asked her to cool down and I was oso askin God to help us to shut their mouth up. Good tt they kept quiet durin the next few lectures. Came home quite late veri tired also but got to revise through all the notes cos the next they got test mah haiz sleep for 2hrs onli, but great God gave me strength. if not I will be asleep on the next few lectures. On the next day got few more lectures on PK n then test. The other half day for Homefront security, got test oso wah so stress arh haiz nv study tt long before lo... Haiz result have not come out yet wish I will pass bah haha...
Quite irritated by the guys sittin behind me and few of my frenz. They are so irritatin tt he made the 4 four us sittin infront so angry, feel like givin them a slap across their face. They are disgustin as they had been tokin about dirty things, laughin and disturbin ppl they dun wan listen but we wan lo. Don't understand they went there to learn or to create troubles if they never come much better. No need to make me and my frens so angry even my fren also scared of us, he funny sia cos he saw our faces den faster tell them to shut up or else the 4 volcanoes goin to explode haha... We did not laugh thought tt the few of them will keep quie but not they continue tokin n tokin, then my fren who is sittin beside me turn and shouted at them, I was shocked too cos never see her so angry before. Got one guy who started all those topics talked back to my fren then he started throwin vulgarities at her and my fren turned back to the front and tryin to cool down. My few frenz and I asked her to cool down and I was oso askin God to help us to shut their mouth up. Good tt they kept quiet durin the next few lectures. Came home quite late veri tired also but got to revise through all the notes cos the next they got test mah haiz sleep for 2hrs onli, but great God gave me strength. if not I will be asleep on the next few lectures. On the next day got few more lectures on PK n then test. The other half day for Homefront security, got test oso wah so stress arh haiz nv study tt long before lo... Haiz result have not come out yet wish I will pass bah haha...
Never hate urself!!!
Remembered tt I asked God, can we hate our ownselves. Cos everytime we read the bible God always teach us to love others, not to hate one another. Things like tt wat about ourselves I was wonderin wanna know the answer cos if it is a sin I will change myself for hatin myself for lots and lots of reasons. Great God answered my prayers when I was readin God's word durin my Quiet Time... "After all, no one ever hates his own body, but he feeds and care for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body.(Ephasians 5:29-30)
Haha got wat I mean, it is the answer I had been findin. So now I've got to love myself more and got to tell this to my frens cos I guess I had influenced them oops sorry guys... Got to change u ppl mindset back to the correct one already.
Haiz I kept feel tt wateva I've done is always wrong especially when I did sumthin wrong, I always felt tt I am the one which cause all thee problems. I feel so guilty man but when I ask for forgiveness I dun feel anythin. I told this to my fen and she told me tt don't always feel tt way maybe last time I had always been blame for no reasons, scolded for no reasons tts y now I kept feelin tt way. Maybe she is right or maybe not hmmm not sure abt it...
Haha got wat I mean, it is the answer I had been findin. So now I've got to love myself more and got to tell this to my frens cos I guess I had influenced them oops sorry guys... Got to change u ppl mindset back to the correct one already.
Haiz I kept feel tt wateva I've done is always wrong especially when I did sumthin wrong, I always felt tt I am the one which cause all thee problems. I feel so guilty man but when I ask for forgiveness I dun feel anythin. I told this to my fen and she told me tt don't always feel tt way maybe last time I had always been blame for no reasons, scolded for no reasons tts y now I kept feelin tt way. Maybe she is right or maybe not hmmm not sure abt it...
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