How do I get in there, why am I there, why am I being tortured by the ppl around me and how can I get out from there? I deserve those tortures, but why am I here can't they send me to orphanage home, hostel or throw me in the street. Why can't they do anythin like tt but to left me here and wondering of stupid staff and end up creatin my own stupid world, this world tt I created is now killing me and not leavin me with a single bone. They let me feel so lonely it looks like there is only 4 walls filled with words like hate urself more, these troubles is u the one who created so u deserve it, I hate u, u are so useless and many more tt made me feel like doin things tt can end my world here. Am I tt bad can anyone tell me pls??? I'm cryin inside but smiling outside who can I find I find anyone who I could lean on and cry out loud, who knows how I feel? No one or maybe one and is enough I guess tt is God bah, but I can't find Him in tt world I was wonderin is God with me while I'm in tt world? Holy Spirit told me yes God is always with u but I can't feel it... I feel like being thrown into this world tt they would seperate me and the others away. No wonder I feel tt I had changed into someone else as I disturb ppl, being rude to ppl and I dun think tt I'm such a person last time.
I use to be a person who can help ppl with problems, being someone who can help ppl and bein somone who need help is really different. Where am I now in my own world still or back to myself wanna know... I dun mind to do anythin just to get out of tt world even if my fren wanna slap me cos Ameera said one day I will be slapped by her. So now should I or shouldn't I do this just to get a slap by her or to ask someone else slap me den. Get no trust from my mom cos she kept thinkin tt I will go back to my father, y must she think this way she hurt my feelings lor. As she know tt I will always be with her till my very last second of my life but she changed everythin she make me feel tt I'm nobody's... Sigh so disappointed... :'(
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